if i can run in heels then i can drive
one two three fourrrrnication!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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