I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
