You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
