I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
vagina is talking i cant
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
