Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
