I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
