life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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