my vag is so smooth its legendary
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
