You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
