i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
