he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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