I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
