Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
