and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
