I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize