White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
