moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
