About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
