I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
