I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize