i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
