Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
