Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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