I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
