I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
