I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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