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She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm too high and old for this...
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