Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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