its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize