I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize