just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize