I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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