you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
