Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
