So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
