idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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