the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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