I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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