that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
