My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
