would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
