There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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