This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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