I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
