So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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