I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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