I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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