I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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