You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
