They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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