she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
