Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
