are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
