i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
