there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
