i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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