Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
