His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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