you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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