fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
