He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
