so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
