Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
