Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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