Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
