people are starting to question the shark bite story
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
